For more information, contact Redmon Grief Resource Center, 1916 Marhofer Avenue, Stow, 330/686-1750. Support groups for all ages. This is a charitable, non-profit organization.
The Pain Factor
Rather than having a real wish to die, a suicidal child or adolescent is probably feeling pain and does not know how to make that pain end. The cycle usually begins with a loss or change, which creates pressure. Finally, the pain results when the pressure becomes unbearable. If there does not appear to be another way to end the pain, the person may decide that the only option is to eliminate him or herself.
The Warning Signs
Since adolescents are notoriously impulsive, some suicides, particularly in that age group, happen without a second thought or opportunity to help. In other situations, warning signs are observed that can give time to help. Some of the typical warning signs are:
A. Change in typical personality or behavior patterns.
1. Appearance: The person's body language may become different or they may no longer give any attention to their personal appearance.
2. Change in Eating Habits: A fairly significant weight gain or weight loss may be ob served. Either the person will be trying to soothe their pain through food, or be unable to eat because of the pain.
3. Change in Sleeping Habits: This too can be in either direction. The individual may sleep constantly or be unable to get any rest.
4. Withdrawal or Acting Out:: Again this can go in either direction. Where one person wants to spend hours alone and will not talk to others, the next person may become verbally or physically aggressive. The important factor is that there is a change in the typical behavior patterns of that individual.
5. Drop in Grades or Other Performance: Nothing may seem important any longer, or the energy is just not there to maintain the grades, keep the job or maintain a practice schedule.
6. Moodiness: All teens have moody days. The main thing is when the moodiness is accompanying other changes listed here or is a new behavior for the individual.
7. Sudden Cheerfulness after Depression or Moodiness: If an individual has made the decision that suicide is the way to end their pain, others may see a cheerfulness that has been absent for a while. If the person feels relieved because a resolution is in sight, people around that individual may tend to relax their watch and worry just at the time they need to be even more watchful.
8. Increased Use of Drugs, Alcohol or Cigarettes: This could be a sign that a person is trying to find relief from their pain with some other substance. Alcohol or drug usage here is often of particular concern because those substances may pull the person into an even more depressed state.
B. Unusual Interest in Death
1. Preoccupation with Death or Related Subjects.
2. Taking Risks
3. Actual Threats of Suicide: No threat of suicide should ever be ignored, whether it is verbal or written. Always talk to a professional about a threat that has been heard or written, whether the person is hinting at suicide or directly talking about it.
C. Final Plans for Death
This usually shows itself in the same way a person with a terminal illness might behave prior to their death. Where adults have wills and other legal vehicles to use, students tend to act out wills in some of the following ways:
1. Giving Away Prized Possessions
2. Notes to Others that may Read Like an Informal Will
3. Painting the Suicide Scene
Factors for Increased Risk
If the individual in question is showing several of the clues listed above, they should be of particular concern if any of these three areas are true for them.
If You Feel That the Person is Suicidal
1. Never keep the information a secret. Tell parents, teachers, school counselors, etc.
2. Let the person talk about what is hurting so much.
3. Never belittle the problem. It is very real to the person experiencing it. Assure the person that help is possible.
4. Assure the individual that you will try to get them help for their pain.
5. Talk to someone who is trained in helping to sort out painful issues. There are several possibilities for this:
6. Remove any weapons, particularly those that may be described in a plan.
7. Do not leave the person alone.